Woman — Who Says She's Very Clean — Is Fed Up with Her Boyfriend Constantly Claiming He's 'Tidying Up' After Her
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03/22/2025 04:00 AM
"I'm really fed up of him putting me down when I'm capable of running my home and working and caring for my kids," she wrote
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Stock image of a man cleaning an empty table.How much mess is too much mess?
A U.K.-based woman posted on the Mumsnet relationship forum that her older boyfriend is constantly complaining that her house is messy, but the mother of two young children said he's overreacting.
She wrote that she's been with her boyfriend for about four years. She was 31 years old when they met, and there is a 13-year age gap between them. They are both divorced and have children. "I have a nice bungalow," the woman shared. She said it's small, but she bought all new furniture, appliances and even kitchenware to furnish the place.
"My house is so normal and average. It's never shockingly messy unless the kids are here with the living room upside down. But he's not here to see that," the woman said,
"My 10-year-old is currently into messy projects like [Rainbow] Loom bands, making stuff and crafts. So her room often is a little upside down. She's not the best at putting washing and rubbish in the bin. But that's the story of many parents," the mom continued, noting that she cleans the house regularly, and it all can usually be "tidied up" in just an hour.
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Stock image of a man folding laundry.Despite that, she said her boyfriend "acts like he's constantly running about after me" when he visits.
"I find it really patronizing. If I make a sandwich, he's constantly saying, 'I've just tidied this kitchen and how have you managed in five minutes to trash the place.' He also comments that the table gets stuff put onto it," she wrote.
Her boyfriend says similar things about his adult daughter's house when he stays with her, she claimed. He specifically complained about a time that he visited his daughter when she was baking a cake and had to run out the door for work before cleaning up. The OP said that her boyfriend was upset that he had to clean up the kitchen after her, too. She also noted that when they first met, her boyfriend was vocal about how messy his ex was and even said she was "hoarded up" with clutter.
"It's like he refuses to see the rushing out the door [part]. Or being tired after a [day's] work. It's OK for him. He has no routine. [He] doesn't have to be out the door in the mornings. He only has himself to worry about," the woman added.
Related: Sibling Says She 'Went Full Mean Girl' to Get Her Younger Sister to Clean Her Bedroom
To complicate matters, his living situation is very different from when they first met. "He got into a lot of debt last year as he lost his job for a while. He [doesn't have] any furniture, etc. Sometimes I find it weird he has a suitcase to show for his entire life. But I'm really fed up of him putting me down when I'm capable of running my home and working and caring for my kids too," the woman added.
In the comments, many people questioned his behavior. "He sounds weird," someone said. Others thought it was a sign of an uneven dynamic in the relationship. "Either he's rather obsessive about cleaning and can't bear anyone else's standards, or he's trying to assert some sort of dominance," another person added.
"I also think it's a control thing," yet another commenter said.
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In a response to one comment, the OP responded that her boyfriend's laser focus on cleaning what she doesn't even view as a mess was making her question her relationship. "He's not here this week and it's bliss being able to do my own thing. I feel like he takes over when he's here. Takes over my evenings. My mornings. I don't feel I can be fully me when he's here," she said.
Someone in the comments responded to that particular update, "I think you've answered your own question."
