Woman Says She Can't Make Family Trip Until She Finds Out It's to Europe — Now In-Laws Won't Let Her Join

09/14/2024 09:30 AM

"I personally think she didn't want to go on the trip until she learned it was to Europe and lied to me that she couldn't come in the first place," the in-law recounted in a viral post

A falling out over a family vacation has sparked a heated debate online —  but who's in the wrong?

A parent claims that they won't change their family's vacation plans to accommodate members who changed their mind about attending after the trip was booked, in a post on the popular Reddit channel "Am I the A------" (r/AITA).

While the parent, who goes by the username Ok_Clue_6722, was planning the family's annual vacation and asking for availability, their son and daughter-in-law said they wouldn't be free for any of the dates proposed. Because they couldn't attend, the couple were not included in the group chat dedicated to planning the trip.

"Usually the vacation is something that everyone can drive [to], it was going to be the same until all the adults agreed the kids were old enough to leave the country," the original poster (OP) said. "So now the trip is to Europe. Everyone has bought their tickets and I have booked where we are staying."

Once everything was finalized, the son and daughter-in-law heard about the trip's destination and wanted to be added back into the plans.

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"[My daughter-in-law] called me up asking about it and what they need to do. I asked her how she could get off work and she explained she just could," the OP claimed. "I personally think she didn't want to go on the trip until she learned it was to Europe and lied to me that she couldn't come in the first place."

The poster continued: "I told her it is too late, things are booked and I am not willing to pay more [than] I already have. (I paid for all the lodging. We would need to upgrade to fit two more adults.) She asked if I was serious and that it is cruel to not include them on a family trip around Christmas. I told her it is what it is and not my fault."

The user claims their son is mad and called the parent "a jerk." The OP came to the AITA reddit because the "wanted an outside opinion" but may have gotten more than they bargained for.

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The community was divided on how the situation could have been handled. Some people think that keeping the European vacation plans the way they are refusing the son and daughter-in-law is completely fair.

"First of all, you planned everything already and if your [daughter-in-law] DIL really changed everything just because the trip was to somewhere she wanted to go doesn't sound good," one person wrote. "Second, why can't they pay the extra if they want to come? Aren't they adults already?"

Another offered a compromise of sending the son and daughter-in-law the itinerary and saying if they want to join they can, but not adjusting the original bookings to accommodate them

"She seems to only want to go because it is a 'better' place than previous vacations and because she knows part of the trip will be subsidized by you," a third wrote. "[Your] son and DIL didn't mind missing family time around Christmas when the trip seemed less desirable, and you planned accordingly. Not your problem that they changed their minds."

Other commenters are saying that the parents should have circled back with their son and daughter-in-law once the location was finalized.

"It would've cost OP nothing to send a text prior to booking….'we've decided to do Italy 12/20-1/1, last chance if you want in,' " one comment read. "The fact that OP didn't leads me to believe that while they would have included son and DIL, they were happy to exclude them."

Another redditor agreed: "I can't wrap my head around the idea of totally icing them out of the massive change in plans from somewhere 'drivable' to Europe without mentioning it."

"That kind of a trip doesn't happen very often for a family and I can understand why they might want to move things around to be included," another commenter chimed in.

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One user had a rebuttal with a helpful metaphor: comparing the two trips to football games.

"It's like if every year my family went to a pre-season NFL game, I have fun, I know what to expect, but this year I've decided, I'll skip this time because I want to do something else with my Saturday, only to find out months later that my family decided instead they're getting tickets to the Super Bowl, and they didn't invite me because I had already said no to the preseason game," they wrote.

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They concluded: "I don't think anyone is the AH here, I think there was a failure to communicate at the very beginning from your son and DIL as to their actual reasoning for saying no. Then there was a failure on your part to communicate when the plans changed so drastically, and now I think you're being a bit petty and they're being entitled."

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