Woman Refuses to Host Thanksgiving After Sister Hands Out 'Family Code of Conduct' Contract

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The sister's rules included banning certain topics and enforcing a dress code

A woman's family is at odds after her sister handed out rules for Thanksgiving dinner. The woman, 32, has posted to Reddit for advice on a situation that she is "still baffled by."

"I have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It's always a little messy and chaotic, but that's part of the charm, right?" she writes. 

But this year, her 29-year-old sister "decided she wanted to 'help bring some order' to the gathering," the poster writes. "At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a 'Family Code of Conduct.' "

She "insisted" everyone read and sign them before attending. The code includes "a rule against 'overlapping conversations' at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like 'a respectful debate club,' " and "a 'ban on political or controversial topics,' with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated," the poster shares.

Related: Woman Doesn't Want Sister to Bring Her Homemade Food to Thanksgiving Dinner: 'Trying to Keep the Meal Edible'

The sister also wants a "smart casual" dress code because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family" and to assign seats based on "optimal personality compatibility."

"She was completely serious," the woman writes. "When I laughed and said, 'You can't be serious,' she accused me of 'not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.' I told her I wasn't going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself."

When her sister doubled down, the woman canceled Thanksgiving. Now, her mom thinks she should humor the sister, while their 35-year-old brother says he won't attend if the code exists. 

"I'm torn," she writes. "Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?"

Commenters are on the poster's side. "Just host your brother," one writes. "Tell everyone else that if they're happy about a code of conduct they're free to attend your sister's house. However you will not be hosting." Someone else adds, "You can even sign a declaration of Thanksgiving independence, declaring yourselves free of micromanaging attempts to create a hallmark family dinner."

Another commenter shares, "I'm with your brother. This would make me skip Thanksgiving all together. If she wants to be the Thanksgiving police she's welcome to attempt this at her own house."

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One person writes, "Never do something to 'keep the peace.' That just leads to more problems down the road ... Thanksgiving is stressful enough without BS rules."

Related: Wife Says She Accidentally Made Plans for the Day Her In-Laws Celebrate Thanksgiving — Now It's a Whole Thing

Still, some wonder if something had happened the previous year to make the sister ask for these rules now and if the poster is downplaying the "choas" of her family's get-together. "Be polite, no politics and dress somewhat nice don't sound like too crazy of 'rules' to me," a commenter notes. Another adds, "I would LOVE to see the sister's side of this."