Woman, 20, Doesn't Want to Interrupt Her Overseas Travel to Visit Ailing Grandparents: 'Is It Selfish to Put Myself First?'

03/23/2025 06:00 AM

"Watching them grow old and incapable is incredibly sad for me to witness," the woman said of her grandma and grandpa

A woman is questioning if her decision to put herself first instead of visiting her family members — for what could be the last time — is wrong.

In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" forum, the woman, 20, originally from the United States, wrote that she is currently traveling through Asia and has grandparents in Europe, who her mother wants her to visit, as they are bedridden.

Explaining, however, that it will cost around $800 to change her flight, and even though her mom has offered to reimburse her for her travel, the woman is worried that her mother can't afford to do so, given that she's been out of work and acting as caretaker for their elderly family members over the past few months.

Outlining a lengthy list of pros and cons tied to visiting her grandparents, the woman said there is little to do at her grandparents' place and she is often bored and alone there.

She also wrote, "Watching them grow old and incapable is incredibly sad for me to witness. I genuinely get really sad and cry all the time when I'm there. Is it selfish to truly not want to go? Like I always go to see them and support them but just this once I don't want to go?"

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As for reasons to make the trip, the woman detailed that it's been a year and a half since she last visited and she is now worried that her grandma and grandpa "may die before I get to see them again."

She added that it would be a good idea for her to make the trip as it "would provide emotional and physical relief to my mom who had to drop everything and become their full-time caretaker for the last four months."

"She would be able to leave the house for a longer period of time and get a break," the woman continued of her mom.

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In the comments section of the post, many other Reddit users told the woman that she should make the trip, even if it's just for the sake of her mother.

"Go for three days. Give your mother a break. She wants to see you as much as she wants you to see your grandparents," one person wrote.

"Seriously, when I read this, my first thought was that mom needed a break, and she probably didn't want to ask for one," another person commented.

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Others, meanwhile, spoke from their own experiences, explaining that wished they hadn't been as selfish with their time when it came to seeing ailing family members when they had the chance.

"As someone who has no living grandparents left, I would give anything to see my grandparents one last time even if they were to bicker and do my head in for a few days. That goodbye hug will be the best feeling in the world, whether it's coming from a place of love, or a place of relief for being able to leave," one individual said.

"Sometimes the right thing to do isn't the one that's fun or easy. Your mom needs you and your grandparents literally will not be around much longer. It doesn't sound like you have a bad relationship, just that things have changed due to old age. You're old enough to find ways to be helpful and entertain yourself. Go," added one other.