My inMy in-laws won't let me move on from my biggest regret

09/30/2024 12:40 PM

DEAR DEIDRE: MY vile in-laws are driving me to think about suicide because of something I did years ago. They won’t let me forget it.

I've been married 23 years. I’m 46 and my husband is 44. We married because I was pregnant but we were too young really.

We had such a rocky start and when the baby came along, things got worse.

My husband was working long hours and I had one friend – a male neighbour. He was 41 then, unemployed and he manipulated me.

He told me I was beautiful and pressured me into having sex with him. We ended up in bed together and my husband found out. I was 24. 

My husband left and ran to his parents' home and told them everything. We worked through things and my husband forgave me but his parents never did.

It happened once but they still make horrid remarks such as I'm "an embarrassment" and my mother-in-law even called me a "whore" recently at a family barbecue.

They are constantly on my mind. I think I'd rather not be here any longer if I'm such a bad human being.

DEIDRE SAYS: Cheating wasn't right but your husband gave you a second chance, which was his choice. His parents don't get a vote, nor should they behave abusively towards you.

It would have been good for your husband to stop their comments but if they've always been abusive, it may have taken him right back to his childhood where he felt afraid.

Now you have a choice – whether you allow them to be part of your future, or not.

Not having you along at get-togethers may take some adjustment for your family but if they are not pleasurable experiences, why subject yourself to it?

My support pack called Standing Up For Yourself will help you to talk to your husband.

Also you’ll find emotional support from CALM, the Campaign Against Living Miserably (calmzone.net, 0800 58 58 58).