My husband cheated on me with our BEST MAN – I can't carry his secret but he begs me to
11/12/2024 02:37 AM
A 30-YEAR-OLD woman has given her cheating husband an ultimatum after being asked to keep a secret.
She confessed to being blindsided by his infidelity as their two-year marriage seemed to be going great.
The woman said she and her husband, 31, have been together for almost six years.
They share a close group of friends and his best mate was the best man at their wedding.
She was shocked when she found out the pair had been secretly having an affair.
"I confronted him, and after a lot of tears and honesty, he admitted that he’s gay and has been struggling with it for years," she said, writing on Reddit.
"I could tell it was painful for him to say, and I genuinely felt for him.
"He told me he really does care about me and wanted to 'make it work' because he loved me in his own way."
The woman said she felt broken to uncover the lie and asked her husband for a divorce.
She didn't feel like it was her place to tell anyone about his sexuality but has been left to "carry this secret" when people ask why they're separating.
"I gave him an ultimatum: he needs to come out and be honest with everyone," she said.
"It's not about shaming him or anything, but I feel like if he's brave enough to start fresh, he should own who he is.
"The thing is, he says he’s not ready. He thinks I’m pushing him too fast, and he's scared of how people will react.
"I get it, but I also feel like I'm carrying the weight of this secret on top of my own heartbreak.
"I've had friends and family asking me questions, and I've been deflecting and lying to protect him, but it's getting exhausting.
"Some people are even questioning if I did something wrong, and that just… hurts."
The woman said friends who know her husband is gay think she's being "cruel" by urging him to come out before he's ready.
However, others argue he shouldn't have put her in the difficult position.
"So, AITA [am I the a**hole] for giving him this ultimatum?" she said.
"Should I just let him take his time, or am I right to feel like I can't move on without the truth being out there?"
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it’s normal to know each other’s passwords and use each other’s phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: “If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful.”
“You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something.”
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
“If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don’t want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag.”
“Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it’s an easy way to get caught out,” says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner’s libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: “Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren’t there before.”
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
“To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven’t walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating,” warns Aaron.
A flood of commenters advised the woman to leave her "cruel and selfish" husband.
Many argued he should take responsibility for cheating even if he doesn't want to share his sexuality.
"You may not feel inclined to 'out' him when people ask, but you can definitely tell them he cheated on you, and that's why you're divorcing," one person said.
"He committed infidelity, regardless of who with. He should be ashamed about that."
Another commenter agreed that the woman shouldn't feel pressured to stay quiet.
"You're under no obligation to protect your husband’s secret," they said. "He betrayed you, and that's the reason for the divorce.
"You have every right to share that truth with others, especially when people are questioning you. He should take responsibility for his actions OP [original poster]."
A third advised the woman to take legal action against her husband for the pain he caused her.
"Run as fast as you can," they wrote. "I think marrying a woman when you are a gay man is one of the most cruel and selfish things a person can do.
"In fact, you might consider suing him for deliberately misleading you and causing you trauma and emotional distress."