My boyfriend turned into a different person after declaring his undying love

10/25/2024 12:40 PM

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER declaring his undying love to me, my boyfriend suddenly dropped me, saying he didn't have time for a relationship. 

But he had time to slide into my friend's DMs – a friend he'd said he didn't even like. I'm so confused and hurt as I really believed he was the one.

I'm 30 and he's 34. We were in a relationship for six months.

When we got together he seemed so sweet and caring, and he had no confidence, even though he was handsome and funny.

We spoke a lot about our lives, and he really opened up to me about his mental health issues.

He said he could talk to me in a way he couldn't talk to anyone else, and that I was his soul mate.

Sex was amazing with him too – so intense because of the connection we had.

We were even planning to move in together. 

Then, one night, a few weeks ago he messaged me out of the blue saying he wasn't in the right place for a relationship. He wouldn't explain, even when I begged. 

He said he couldn't even be friends because he had too much going on. I was gutted.

The next thing I heard, he'd sent my friend a message asking if she'd like to chat. 

I love him so much and don't understand how he can do this to me.

DEIDRE SAYS: Finding out your relationship was over so suddenly and coldly must have been a huge and distressing shock.

Unfortunately, it sounds like your ex has decided he doesn't want to be with you, and you can't make him change his mind. 

He may not understand why himself or he could be making excuses to move on to your friend.

Contacting her was disrespectful, and perhaps is a sign that he isn't as kind and caring as you believed.

He likely has a pattern of behaviour like this. You deserve so much better.

Whatever his reason, what's important now is that you put this behind you. It's better that he doesn't want to be friends – that would keep you hoping and wanting more.

My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you to start to heal from this relationship. 

In time, it will hurt less.