Man Gets Tattoo of Late Mom's Handwritten Diary Entry from Day of His Birth to Honor Her Memory (Exclusive)

09/04/2024 02:26 PM

Jake Bley commemorated 10 years since his mom's death with an especially meaningful tattoo

• Jake Bley has spent recent years processing the loss of his mom, Nicki, in 2014
• In honor of her, he had a heartfelt diary entry tattooed on his leg on the 10th anniversary of her death
• Jake tells PEOPLE what it was like to share this emotional journey on TikTok
  

A loving and bereaved son has gone viral for the special way in which he chose to honor his mom's memory.

Jake Bley recently shared a video on TikTok displaying his first-ever tattoo. Inked on his leg is a phrase from a diary entry written by his mom, Nicki. She wrote the passage on the day Jake was born prematurely.

"My mom was actually quite a young mom, so I had a very close relationship with her. She was always incredibly supportive of us kids and very, very nurturing," Jake tells PEOPLE.

"We definitely had an open communication style with each other, which is really great. I could go to her with anything from work to guidance about relationships and navigating life's choices."

Nicki was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia in 2013. In about 13 months' time, she went "from diagnosis to treatment to going into remission." Sadly, the cancer returned, and Nicki died in June 2014.

"It was really, really disheartening to see someone who has been the rock in your life, that you went to for so many things, just disintegrate over time," Jake says.

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At the time, Jake lived away from his Australian home, in New York City. He fondly remembers those days in his early 20s when he "bought my mom an iPhone so we could FaceTime."

"When things were really bad, I was able to show her New York. My mom didn't travel a lot. She didn't like planes, but it was really cool that I could walk home from work and FaceTime her from Times Square and show her around the city," he recalls.

Jake stepped up for his family in the aftermath of his mom's death, returning to Australia and being there to help support his siblings. He focused on that as a distraction to mourning in those early days.

"I really just threw myself into being busy, very early on. In hindsight, I don't think that was incredibly healthy for me," he shares. "I recently opened up about this, but I don't think I allowed myself to truly process it. I definitely felt it but I didn't allow myself to fully process it. I spent probably the last 10 years trying to hold myself together when I think I should have taken more time to process and understand and feel."

Jake has made an effort to work on that more recently. He explains that his mom left him and each of his siblings a box of meaningful gifts for after she was gone.

"She left her diaries, among other things. She'd been writing in these diaries I think from the age of 8 years old all the way up to laying in bed while she was sick. I actually didn't properly open the box until close to a year ago," he admits.

"I started going through the things that were left for me, and that's has been a very healing process. Leading up to the 10th anniversary, I got to the part in her diary that was the year I was born, on the day I was born," he shares.

In the diary, Nicki had written some quick first impressions of her newborn son.

"It was just a little statement in there about her first thought when I was born. It said, 'Only a little fellow.' So I decided to get that tattooed."

@jakebley

TW: GRIEF. I know shes watching over me. #Tattoo#Grief#griefjourney ❤️

♬ BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

As a content creator, Jake has shared his journey with his mom's illness and death, as well as his path to self-healing, across his social media. He feels opening up about the tattoo has been one of his most vulnerable moments.

"Throughout my mom being sick and parts afterward, I shared. But for the most part, I was dealing with a lot, so I kept a lot of it to myself. It was interesting because on the day that was the 10-year anniversary, I didn't know what I was going to do. I just took my phone and was going to film myself and I made a kind of snap decision to document this process," he says.

"I was feeling very emotionally overwhelmed. I posted the video and some people thought I seemed very upset, but I was just emotional. It wasn't a bad emotion," he explains.

Jake was amazed to discover his post had gone viral. He was inundated with messages from both supportive parties and people opening up about their own grieving processes.

"I posted it and put my phone down to do something else, then refreshed it, and it blew up immediately. I had so many people reach out to me, hundreds of them. I took the time to respond to as many people as I could, but it's been incredibly helpful," he shares.

"Sharing my lived experience is part of my healing process. Nothing feels better than, and there's no better way to honor a parent than to help others who have gone through the same thing," he continues. "I know my mom was someone who felt deeply and I just know that she would be incredibly proud."

Jake is hopeful that everyone who hears his story will remember a few key details about his mom.

"I'd like everyone to know that she was just such an incredible human being. Nobody's perfect, of course, but her process of writing things down and sharing those things with her children ... you never really know what level of impact that could have years on."

It means a lot to know that by sharing this story, "everyone gets to see her handwriting and her face and some of the pictures. It's been one of the greatest gifts we could give her, 10 years on."

Jake also hopes others will "take the time for yourself" when they're faced with a major loss.

"Let yourself process and feel things because holding things inside just does a lot more damage than you realize," he says. "Even when you have a parent move on from this world, there's nothing more that they want than for you to be happy and healthy."

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