Jutes Opens Up About Facing 'Imposter Syndrome' as a Sober Musician: 'Learning How to Deal with That Properly' (Exclusive)

10/29/2024 11:55 AM

The Canadian singer-songwriter, who is engaged to Demi Lovato, caught up with PEOPLE to discuss his first headlining show and how he deals with his own "insecurities"

Even rockstars sometimes struggle with confidence — just ask Jutes.

The Canadian singer-songwriter (born Jordan Lutes) has made a career out of music, between writing for the likes of Demi Lovato and, more recently, headlining his first sold-out show in Los Angeles.

But, as the 33-year-old has discovered, that "inner dialogue" can be ruthless, and for Jutes in particular, he's had to learn how to combat the self-doubt without turning to old vices.

"I've obviously wanted to do a headline show. I've posted on Instagram like, "If I did one, would anyone come?" And I kept just being like, "Ah, I don't know if I'd be able to even... I don't know if even half the venue would be full if I did one" because I have imposter syndrome and anxiety and all that stuff," he tells PEOPLE exclusively. "[Those things] definitely have gotten in my way, not enough to stop me fully, but they've slowed me down."

Related: Demi Lovato's Fiancé Jutes Shares How He 'Almost Broke Down Crying' When He Proposed in This Unique Way

Born and raised in Ottawa, Canada, on a ranch full of exotic animals, Jutes originally wanted to be a basketball player, and while he still plays recreationally, he admits he didn't get the music bug until after high school.

Now, he's currently working on his debut album.

"The basketball got me into hip-hop, and it wasn't until the beginning of college that I kind of started doing it as a joke to send joke rap songs to my friend, and then one thing led to another. I was so late to get into music," he says, adding that his father was a drummer in a rock band, so he was always around the industry.

"I wasn't scared to do anything. I would jump on stage anywhere and thought I was going to steal the show even if I was terrible, and I had this blind faith, which I'm very grateful for because it got me through getting made fun of. It got me through a lot of stuff," he says.

After moving to Los Angeles, the "Sleepyhead" singer, who is engaged to Lovato, realized the breadth of talent around him, and he began to worry he didn't measure up.

"I wasn't a singer growing up, and so I had to teach myself how to sing just from doing it over the years, and I've gotten a lot better, but I still am insecure about my voice and singing live. I always feel like, 'Oh, I'm going to be pitchy and everyone's going to know,'" he explains. "I was on stage at my sold-out show thinking in my head, 'I wonder if everybody here is like, "Oh, this guy sucks live."'"

Related: Demi Lovato Writes Sweet Love Note to Fiancé Jutes: 'You Never Cease to Amaze Me'

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In July 2022, Jutes marked 100 days of sobriety with a post on X. He's now hit the two and a half year mark, and while he says he "feels great," his sobriety continues to influence how he copes with his own anxieties.

"It's this internal dialogue. I'm sober now, and so I can't really quiet that voice with things I used to use to quiet the voice, but I'm learning how to deal with that properly," he says. "Just taking the step to announce a headline show with no opener at first, I was like, 'Let's just see what I can do on my own,' and it sold out in three weeks. I was like, 'Oh, I need to not listen to that voice in my head way more often.'"

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