Jinger Duggar Vuolo Says Teachings from Her Former Church Instilled Belief She Wasn't Enough: It's 'Drilled Into You' (Exclusive)
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01/13/2025 09:00 AM
"There was so much that was drilled into you through what he said about trying to please your husband and if you don't, he's going to leave you," she tells PEOPLE
Jeremy Vuolo/Instagram
Jinger DuggarJinger Duggar Vuolo is reflecting on the hard parts of her upbringing.
The Counting On alum, 31, was raised in the controversial, ultra-Christian organization, the Institute in Basic Life Principles (IBLP). In recent years, Jinger has been outspoken against IBLP's teachings and its minister, Bill Gothard.
Reflecting on the impact being in IBLP had on her life, especially with the release of her new book People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations, Jinger now recognizes how it contributed to the false belief she had that she was not enough.
"I will just say a lot of it started when I was in the teachings of Bill Gothard, because there was so much that was drilled into you through what he said about trying to please your husband and if you don't, he's going to leave you, because you don't have a perfectly clean house or maybe you don't make the dinner on time or you're not joyfully available to him at all times," she tells PEOPLE exclusively. "It was all so focused on, 'Do this, do this, do this, do this,' otherwise, you're not going to be enough for him."
"Even having differences, because arguments don't equal rejection and that's something that I've learned over the years," she says.
Jinger credits her husband Jeremy Vuolo, with whom she shares two daughters and is currently expecting a third child, for having "helped me learn that because he's so amazing," she says.
Jinger Vuolo/Instagram
(L-R) Jeremy Vuolo and Jinger Duggar Vuolo are pictured with their two daughters."When we were first married, he would say, 'Where do you want to go to dinner?' And I'd be like, 'It's okay, babe. Wherever you want to go is fine,' because I could never tell him what I was actually thinking out of fear of, those teachings kept coming back to mind, 'Just have it all together for him,'" she explains. "He was [like], 'No, this is ridiculous. I want to know who Jinger is.'"
The 19 Kids and Counting alum continues, "He wanted to know who I truly was. He pushed me to be vulnerable. He wanted to hear what I was thinking. Even if he said something that I disagreed with, he was like, 'Tell me what you think, Jinge. I don't care.' He said, 'I want to hear even if we have different opinions.'"
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Doing so was something she initially regarded as "something that was hard for me to do," she says. "It took me years to come to the place where I felt I was actually speaking my mind and able to open up. He was so good about that, and to this day, he just continues to want me to grow, challenge me to be myself and push me to be my best."
W Publishing Group
Jinger hopes that her new book, People Pleaser, helps others realize their own issues with the matter to aid in their respective journeys to resolve the problem.
"I think anytime you open up, anytime you share, especially as a people pleaser, you know once it's out there, it's out there, and you can't take it back," she shares. "Some of the stories I share are very raw [and] are very real. People can take them as they will. In my mind, I was like, 'Okay, I want to be as open and vulnerable as I can be, because that is part of the need that we see.'"
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People Pleaser: Breaking Free from the Burden of Imaginary Expectations comes out on Jan. 14 and is available for preorder now, wherever books are sold.
