I'm convinced my wife is offering herself up to her boss for designer gear

11/20/2024 12:45 PM

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife enjoys the high life so much that I'm convinced she's offering herself up to her boss in exchange for designer gear.

Most upsetting is I can see she has no intention of stopping. 

When I caught her out, she claimed the saucy pictures they'd exchanged were just flirting. It feels like she's taking me for a fool. 

I'm 34 & my wife is 32. We've been married for four years. 

She's always been very career driven, with a job that takes her all over the world.

It never bothered me, as we had a good relationship and a very satisfying sex life. 

She likes the finer things in life – things I can't always afford to pay for, like expensive jewellery.

Recently, I noticed she was becoming distant and I started to get suspicious. She also seemed to have new designer shoes. 

I got suspicious and decided to check her phone when she was in the shower. 

I found messages from her boss, referencing a conference abroad, with very suggestive remarks. 

There was even a photo of her in underwear that I've never seen. It seemed clear that something sexual had occurred between them. 

Gutted, I confronted her. She told me I was being ridiculous and that the messages were merely flirting. 

She claimed she just played along with him to keep him sweet. She's up for a promotion and she's just making him think she likes him.

It doesn't ring true. And where has she suddenly got the money for her new Louboutins?

To me, her lying is even worse than her cheating. It feels like I don't know who she is anymore.

And if she isn't having an affair, what she's doing seems tantamount to prostitution.

DEIDRE SAYS: Even if your wife is telling the truth – and it does seem doubtful – then what she's doing is totally inappropriate, both as an employee and as a wife.

And any boss offering a promotion in return for sexy pics would be breaking any company's policy and, almost certainly, the law. 

Talk to her again and tell her how distressed you are about this. Ask if she's really a willing participant, and if the gifts and promotion prospects are worth ruining your marriage for. 

If she really doesn't want to stop, then you need to think about whether you want to remain married to someone who has so little respect for you and your marriage vows.

My support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?, may be helpful.