I have been waiting six years for married lover to leave her husband to be with me

09/15/2024 12:35 PM

DEAR DEIDRE: DAYS drift by between contact with the woman I love, leaving me feeling incredibly lonely.

I met her on a dating app and while she has repeatedly promised that she is leaving her husband, it never happens.

I am a 42-year-old single guy. This woman told me she was married very early on in our conversations, which I took as a good sign.

But the years have rolled by. We've been on and off since 2018. Most of our relationship has been online as we live a long distance apart.

But we have met in person a few times.

She is 41 and I've waited patiently for her in the hope that we can be together.

We are hugely suited – emotionally, romantically and in every other way.

I love her and she tells me she loves me too but I'm exhausted.

We communicate mainly by text because calls are difficult when she is with her husband.

This is a great source of pain for me as it can be days between our calls, which leaves me feeling unloved and unwanted.

Despite our situation, I really love her. I can't help but think if we continue as we are, with nothing changing, the future looks very much like the present. Am I being a fool?

DEIDRE SAYS: Six years is a long time to wait in reserve. You've let her into your life with no guarantee or reassurance that she is going to leave her husband for you.

I can't tell you if she's being honest, or about the state of her marriage. Only she knows the truth.

You need to tell her how you're feeling and ask whether she genuinely intends to leave her husband.

Say that until she does, you are going to put your relationship on hold so she can sort out her marriage one way or another.

My support pack Your Lover Not Free explains more about being in this type of relationship.