How golf would look if Elon Musk and Donald Trump took over from Cybertruck buggies and rocket balls to playing on Mars
11/07/2024 11:49 AM
RORY MCILROY reckons Donald Trump and Elon Musk could team up to fix golf.
The golf-mad returning US President has hosted five LIV Golf events over its three years.
Musk, meanwhile, is a strong ally of Trump’s and among the leading innovators of technology on the planet.
The golfing world is still at civil war following the controversial breakaway LIV Tour from the PGA.
But after SunSport revealed a deal between Saudi-backed LIV and the PGA Tour is close, McIlroy reckons Trump’s return to the White House could get it over the line – and the bookies agree with a merger odds-on under his presidency.
McIlroy, who previously said he had regretted a 2017 round he played with Trump, said: "He might be able to.
"He's got Elon Musk, who I think is the smartest man in the world, beside him.
“We might be able to do something if we can get Musk involved too.
"Obviously Trump has a great relationship with Saudi Arabia, he's got a great relationship with golf, he's a lover of golf.
"Given [the] news with what's happened in America, I think that clears the way a little bit. We'll see. Who knows.
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“But I think as President of the United States again, he's probably got bigger things to focus on than golf.”
So, what would an all-new revolutionised golf world look like if Musk and Trump got involved?
MAJORS MOVED TO TRUMP COURSES
Trump owns 18 golf courses across the world.
Two are in Scotland, including at Turnberry, one in Ireland and 11 in America.
The rest are in Indonesia, Oman and Dubai.
And with so many to choose from, the power couple could rip up tradition and move all of the biggest tournaments in the sport to Trump’s courses.
PLAY ON MARS
As if taking The Masters away from Augusta wasn’t wild enough, how about golf on Mars?
Musk’s SpaceX project is determined to one day design a rocket to take humans to our neighbouring planet.
And who better to be at the front of the queue than the likes of McIlroy, Scottie Scheffler and Jon Rahm putting on the red, dusty ‘greens’.
ROCKET-POWERED BALLS
In an age where golf is desperately trying to reduce how far the top players can strike a ball, Musk and Trump would have none of that.
Bigger. Further. Faster. Better.
So with that in mind, forget the rollback ball and replace it with the rocket ball – launching them hundreds, if not thousands, of yards down the fairways.
They’d have to be orange, too – for obvious reasons.
DRIVERLESS CYBERTRUCK BUGGIES
Tesla’s Cybertrucks may be about to take over the roads.
But soon their younger brother – the Cyberbuggy – could be about to take over cart paths around the world.
A slightly smaller version for golfers and their clubs to whizz up to the green in 1.7 seconds flat.
ROBOTIC ARMS CATCHING STRAY BALLS
If you did manage to hit your rocket ball wayward out of bounds, there would be no need to spend ages trudging through the rough looking for it.
That is because a super high-tech catching device will automatically catch the stray ball and return it safely to its owner – just like the SpaceX Starship rocket catcher.
ROBOT GOLFERS WITH CRAZY NAMES
Speaking of robots, maybe even the golfers themselves would be robots.
That would at least eliminate any emotional bottle jobs down the stretch of majors with simple putts…
And, because Musk is involved, they will have chaotic names that easily roll off the tongue like his son X Æ A-Xii.
Maybe Robot MacIntyre, Tomminator Fleetwood, Collin MorikaWall-E and Ror2-D2?
GIANT WALL TO KEEP PEOPLE OUT
Trump will do everything he can to ensure only the people he wants to see his golf tournaments will be able to.
So expect a giant wall to be built around each one of his courses to keep unwelcome guests out.
BRYSON DECHAMPION
Bryson DeChambeau has struck up an unlikely friendship with Trump.
The President appeared on the golfer’s YouTube channel as they attempted to break 50 together.
Then the two-time US Open winner was wheeled out on stage for Trump’s victory speech following his victory over Kamala Harris.
And we reckon that means DeChambeau may well get preferential treatment at all the tournaments – so he can retake any shot he doesn’t like, place the ball wherever he wants, appeal the outcome of every tournament and ultimately win everything.
MAKE AMERICANS GOLF AGAIN
When DeChambeau has got bored of winning – not anytime soon, in fairness – Trump will need to make sure there is a whole host of American golfers to top the rankings and reign supreme.
So he will set up a new campaign to get golf memberships on the rise again, especially at his own courses.
Maybe something catchy like, I don’t know, Make Americans Golf Again, for example.
After nine holes, they’ll be able to stop for a quick comfort break and stock up on snacks at the Halfway White House.
Q, FORMERLY KNOWN AS GOLF
And in one final rogue move from Musk, he would just change the name of golf.
Why?
Well, I guess just because he can.
He might pick out a random letter, such as Q, and we’d have to spend the next few years referencing the historic sport as Q, formerly known as golf.
Golfers will still be called golfers, just like posts on X are still referred to as tweets.
But you’ll have to sign up and pay for a subscription model to use certain clubs, talk to people you’ve not met before, not have to watch an advert between every hole and, most importantly, have a blue tick on your scorecard.
