Bobbi Althoff Recounts Suicide Attempt at Age 14: 'I Thought That I Was Gonna Go to Hell'

12/18/2024 01:45 PM

Bobbi Althoff candidly opened up about her turbulent childhood on Rainn Wilson's 'Soul Boom' podcast

Editor's Note: This story includes details of a suicide attempt.

Bobbi Althoff got candid about her turbulent childhood and living with depression at a young age on Rainn Wilson's Soul Boom podcast.

The 27-year-old shared that before she started The Really Good Podcast and began posting on TikTok, she "hated who I was as a person" and "felt uncomfortable" in her own skin.

"I remember struggling,.. [but] I [now] embrace the parts that I hate about myself," she explained. "But growing up, I did not embrace it at all. I felt uncomfortable in every room I was in [and] I felt like I just didn't fit in."

Althoff revealed that those thoughts really began to take hold during her freshman year of high school, when she thought she would never fit in or "find my place in this world." She added that while she was dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide, she was also struggling with her family life at home.

"My parents were very toxic together, but they lived in the same house until I was 14," she said. "They got a divorce when I was in 5th grade, but they stayed in the same house six years after that."

She revealed that she went to a really dark place during that time and eventually attempted suicide by taking a Costco-size bottle of Tylenol.

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During that time, she was also grappling with her religion and noted that she "held off" on her attempt "for a while because I thought that I was gonna go to hell."

"But then, I remember that day being, like, I came to terms with it," she recalled. "It's like, 'I guess I'm just burning in hell forever.' So I wrote a letter to everyone at school and to my parents, and then I just got a Costco thing of Tylenol and just ate, took them all. And then I laid in my bed, and I read my Bible. And I was like, 'Please, God, I know I've just sinned, but please, I am begging you. That was not fair of you to put me in this world.' "

"I thought maybe I could convince Him out of sending me to hell if I just [asked]," she continued.

She revealed that her mother eventually found her in the bedroom "hours later," where she was "passed out on the bed [and] very pale." After trying to get her to throw up in the bathroom, her parents rushed her to the hospital. Althoff remembered crying in the backseat.

"I thought they were gonna be so mad at me. I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she said.

She also recalled having a discouraging conversation with the doctor at the hospital. "The doctor was like, 'How you tried to kill yourself was so stupid. That's just a way to get yourself quadriplegic. It's not gonna actually kill yourself,' and he's like, 'Do you feel bad for doing that?' I was like, 'I feel bad it didn't work.' "

"I was sitting there like, 'Damn you idiot. Why didn't I do something else? Because I'm f------ stuck now, and I have all these people around me making sure I don't kill myself.'"

After that time, Althoff shared that she was sent to live with her brother for a while. Over the years, Althoff said her relationship with her parents got better, though she noted she did not start therapy until after her divorce from ex-husband Cory Althoff earlier this year.

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"I just winged it for a long time," she said. "My mental health was so bad [but it's] gotten better. Having kids changes everything for me. My kids are definitely the reason why when I have those thoughts, I'm like, 'Well, you can't do that to them.'"

Related: Bobbi Althoff and Ex-Husband Cory Finalize Divorce, a Month After She Said They Were 'So Much Happier Apart'

"Everything I do, I do for them," she continued. "I have to keep working for them because there's things that I want them to have that I didn't have. And I'm determined to get that all for them."  

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.